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| | vexxtra | Apr 27, 2006 12:26am | I have trouble mainly with cute guys. Tonight at Walmart, I actually avoided a line with a cute cashier (he was about 18--young and tender) and went in a much longer line because I was scared to interact with the cute cashier. And I'm 33!! Is that nuts or what? I was actually afraid of a teenager. I felt like an idiot for doing it too. I was tired and just wanted to get out of there, but my fear was too great. If I hadn't found him attractive I would have had no problem going through his line. What the hell does that mean??
Actually, now that I think about it, I used to have INTENSE anxiety around guys I found attractive. I'm talking as a little kid here even. In the 2nd grade, I can remember having a crush on a boy and I would literally start shaking and have pretty much a panic attack around him. This went on throughout most of my school years and it's only been the past few years that I've actually been able to have conversations with guys I find attractive, although I'm a nervous wreck.
I have thought about it and I wonder if it has something to do with my relationship with my dad. He was a pretty bad alcoholic during my childhood/teen years and I was afraid of him a lot...I can remember seeing him fly into rages and that would make me shake...is there a connection there between my fear of my father and my fear of attractive guys??
Needless to say, this fear of attractive guys hasn't been had the greatest effect on my love life. In fact, I would say I've never had a real bf, and only had sex with one person in my entire life. I seem to be invisible to most men...and since I avoid contact with the ones I find the MOST appealing...well, you can imagine my frustration. I actually avoid the guys I'm MOST interested in. That's crazy.
I can actually understand why these schoolteachers are having affairs with their students. I'll probably end up on Oprah for raping a 14-year-old boy. |
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|  MuchTooSane | May 2, 2006 5:14am | Well, I'm the same. Basically once I meet someone attractive, my mind tells me that it is immpossible for that person to actually like me as a person. Then I'd avoid talking or looking at them. It helps me sometimes not to think about what they'll think of me, but it's hard.
LOL at that last statement.. hahah |
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| | | vexxtra | May 2, 2006 7:16pm | | I think I'm more afraid of myself and what I might do than that actual person...Like it's probably better for me to just stay the hell away from hot teenage boys. Know what I mean? |
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| | MuchTooSane | May 2, 2006 9:34pm | | I'm not sure if I do. I mean aren't you afraid of what you might do because you're afraid of what the person would think after you do it? That's how I see it at least. |
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|  |  216644 | May 5, 2006 1:57pm | Some interesting reading regarding your statement vexxtra.stumbleupon.com [vexxtra.stumbleupon.com]:
Father - Daughter Relationships
by Dr. Beverly Block
I feel that the childhood relationships you had with the parent of the opposite sex has had the most influence on the adult you. How you feel about yourself as a woman goes back to how your Daddy treated his Little Girl.
Via asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-father-daughter [asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-father-daughter]-
relationships.asp
Another interesting Article:
Children of Alcoholics
An estimated 27.8 million children of alcoholics (COAs) live in the United States. Of those, about 11 million are under the age of 18. Clearly this is a serious problem, particularly when you consider the netative consequences that alcoholism has on children. For example, children of alcoholics exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety more than children of non-alcoholics. COAs score lower on tests measuring verbal ability and sometimes have difficulties in school. And they are more at risk for being the victims of physical abuse.
Via health.org/govpubs/ms417/ [health.org/govpubs/ms417/]
Another Interesting Article:
How do emotionally abusive and sometimes absent fathers affect their daughters' relationships with men?
(*NOTE: This is one answer of many.*)
Answer
I grew up with an emotionally abusive father, and it did make me afraid to talk to guys, whether classmates, Uncles, etc. Perhaps I was a little "boy crazy" though, as a way to compensate for love from my dad. I don't resent any guys except those who have hurt me, like my dad. I don't really see him as a "male" as much as someone who was cruel to me for years. On the other hand, even though the abuse psychologically traumatized me, it made me stronger. I could take criticism better, and I would not care about verbal bullies at school. I cared more about other people who faced abuse, who were oppressed...other teens with hurtful homes....people who faced racism and homophobia...If someone who is abused has support and acknowledgement from at least one person in their life, they can get through, and they can accomplish wonderful things. A psychologist or psychatrist is reccommended. Going through 2 or 5 counselors is not uncommon; it's about finding the right listener/advisor for you.
Via faqfarm.com/Q/ [faqfarm.com/Q/]
How_do_emotionally_abusive_and_sometimes_absent_fathers_affect_their_daughters'
_relationships_with_men
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Social Anxiety → Discussion